| May 31, 2003 |
| Cattle's Dead
Obregon, Mexico - The body of Cattle, otherwise known as Andrew Millthorp Preston III, has been found in Obregon, Mexico, a small town with strong connections to the Mexican underworld. Ten Mexican teenage boys ranging in age from 14-19 years were arrested today in connection with Preston's death. Preston was purportedly vacationing in Mazatlan, a coastal town about 300 hundred miles from Obregon, when he was reported missing by his fiancee, Dr. Herman Bandersnatch. The teens reportedly lured Preston into their stolen van by displaying prophylactics and promising free sex. They then drove Preston to Obregon, where the local authorities suspect that they planned to sell Preston into the international man-slave trade. Apparently, they believed Preston's golden locks and propensity for mansausage would fetch them an unusually high price. Once in Obregon, however, things turned sour. The Mexican youths stopped at a taco stand, and left Preston inside the van handcuffed with a cucumber to eat. Authorities in the area noticed a commotion in the van, and discovered Preston nearly dead, with a wide smile on his colorless face and the cucumber poking out of his rectum. Alto Tenente Miguel Ramirez stated that Preston's last words were "omgzorz". Preston died shortly thereafter. In their deposition, the boys claimed that Preston had purposely impaled himself on the cucumber "because he was one sick fucking gringo, man". Police are on the lookout for other vans full of crazed homosexual Mexican teenagers prowling hotel parking lots for American tourists. |
| posted
by torchednoodle
at 2:21 PM |
| May 23, 2003 |
| Not Dead
Just wanted everyone to know that I arrived safely in New Jersey. More to come after Mexico. |
| posted
by cattle
at 5:32 PM |
| May 21, 2003 |
| Party's Over
In just a few hours I will pack this lovely machine into a box filled with my socks and underwear and I will be done with the West Coast. I will not resurface until June, as I am spending nine days in Mexico filiming my own The Real Cancun. In my absence, WC3 may or may not turn on and off properly, so deal. See you on the flip side. |
| posted
by cattle
at 7:19 AM |
| May 19, 2003 |
| Long Term Stats
Cattle am teh bored, so he gathered up all the server logs he had and ran some long term stats. This is a ranking of the top 500 players in the past 200 days. It was almost 700 MBs of logs and it took about 25 minutes to cacluate. Here they be. |
| posted
by cattle
at 3:51 PM |
| May 15, 2003 |
| RIP Big Tuna - May 15, 2003 Big Tuna, the columnist known for putting his foot in his mouth, died Thursday morning from injuries related to an auto accident. He was 23 years old. "He always said he was going to die behind the wheel of a car," said Tuna's girlfriend of three years, AnimalMother. "I just never thought it was going to happen as he went to go buy zucchinis." For Tuna, who planned to graduate from San Jose State Universtiy in 2004, death and driving went hand-in-hand. In the space of six months Tuna was the victim of four auto-related accidents in San Jose In the spring of 2002, a drunk driver totaled his truck. Two months later, he was rear-ended as he sat at a stoplight on San Tomas and El Camino Real. The following month, while riding to campus on his bike, a Honda Civic hit him as he crossed Warner Street. The worst accident came two months later. Coming back to Chico from his hometown of Mt. Shasta, a newly purchased big screen TV flew out of the back of a passerby's pickup on Highway 99 and took out his hood and windshield. "It was like people really wanted to kill the guy," said Beachpig, his long-time friend and fellow columnist at The Fagrag newspaper at San Jose State. "But I mean, really, can you blame them?" Known by his friends and coworkers as "Thumb" or "Big Tuna," the aspiring journalist had the ability to make people laugh. Unfortunately most of his humor came at his own expense. Some months prior to his death, Tuna asked not to have a services held in his honor for fear that no one would attend. He asked instead to have his body given to the Montana School of Taxidermy, where he requested being stuffed and mounted in "a totally sweet, yet ferocious position." |
| posted
by cattle
at 1:11 PM |
| May 12, 2003 |
| OMG!! CS Stats Scandal !!!
I am amazed that none of you noticed this. The-Creamery CS server's hard disk has become full, and it has been unable to write server logs since May 8th. What does that mean? Well, without the logs there are no stats. We still generate stats everyday, but everything since May 8th has been lost. Think I am full of shit? Look at your personal page under "Last Connected." I am cleaning things out on the server and we should be all set to "make some logs" tonight. |
| posted
by cattle
at 2:01 PM |
| May 2, 2003 |
| Attention Stat Whores !!!
Why whore your knife kills or post count when you can whore your IRC activity? In an effort to dissolve midday boredom, I have added a stats parser for the Creamery IRC room. Zorlac, word. Check it out by clicking here. It should update several times a day. |
| posted
by cattle
at 9:39 AM |
07/01/2002 - 07/31/2002 08/01/2002 - 08/31/2002 09/01/2002 - 09/30/2002 10/01/2002 - 10/31/2002 11/01/2002 - 11/30/2002 12/01/2002 - 12/31/2002 01/01/2003 - 01/31/2003 02/01/2003 - 02/28/2003 03/01/2003 - 03/31/2003 04/01/2003 - 04/30/2003 05/01/2003 - 05/31/2003 06/01/2003 - 06/30/2003 07/01/2003 - 07/31/2003 08/01/2003 - 08/31/2003 10/01/2003 - 10/31/2003 11/01/2003 - 11/30/2003 12/01/2003 - 12/31/2003 01/01/2004 - 01/31/2004 02/01/2004 - 02/29/2004 03/01/2004 - 03/31/2004 04/01/2004 - 04/30/2004 06/01/2004 - 06/30/2004 08/01/2004 - 08/31/2004 09/01/2004 - 09/30/2004 10/01/2004 - 10/31/2004 11/01/2004 - 11/30/2004 12/01/2004 - 12/31/2004 01/01/2005 - 01/31/2005 10/01/2005 - 10/31/2005 11/01/2005 - 11/30/2005 03/01/2006 - 03/31/2006
